“Falling in love.” Just the thought of it makes me shiver, terrified, afraid! Love has brought destruction to my family, especially to my mom. It has brought destruction to the people around me, to the environment I grew up with, especially to women, implanting terrible consequences to my soul. And although I’ve been doing my best to forget, it is just so difficult to let go. Those images of misery just can’t get out of my mind.

My colleagues, friends and co-workers never see me being romantically involved with the opposite sex. How could they? I don’t have a boyfriend. I never had a boyfriend! Sometimes I can’t help but to be upset every time people tell me that I ought to get married now, or at least have a boyfriend. Sometimes they’re even the ones setting up dates for me. It’s not that I’m too ugly not to have any suitors and admirers; it’s just that I don’t want to. I don’t need to (at least for now). I can have friends but definitely not “lovers”!

I am aware that people often associate being alone as being lonely, but I’m not. Well, okay, I admit I am lonely and melancholic. But it’s not because I’m alone. Rather, it is because I feel most lost when I’m with the crowd.
I’m the type of person who loves to be alone with my self, and although many times I tried to reach out to people and get out of my cocoon, I always find my self longing to be in solitude. Although I am open with the possibility that I will also be married someday and have my own child, at the moment I just can’t imagine my self, involved in a romantic relationship with the other sex. Sometimes I am pressured and can’t help but to be bothered by my colleague and co-workers who are always teasing me. But hell! I think I’m self-sufficient.

I can’t force myself to love someone or to pretend to love someone just to show the world that finally, I am “romantically involved.” Why should I force myself just to please others, to meet their standards? Whatever…

When the time comes, it will just come….